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50 Shades of Abuse Flyer - Canada

Use, redistribute, print. 

Click image and magnify for large version.

Okay. I understood all the flack Twilight got for being an abusive relationship. Because it was and it was being read by a very young and impressionable audience. But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. Iit is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.

so i guess you didn’t read the parts where he coerces her and the part where he continues after she has used her safeword and acts like a fucking creep whenever they aren’t having sex

it is the worst possible introduction to BDSM i could imagine

i know my shit okay

im hoping the people defending this book are 1. never getting into BDSM 2. not currently into BDSM 3. havent read the book bc i dont want to believe anyone is that fucking stupid

Let me

just

fucking

drop

some fucking

knowledge on you right now.

Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.

So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.

Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t take no for an answer.

Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES. AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s the act of a selfish abuser.

Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their submissive.

Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and misunderstanding, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.

Reblogging because relevant

And I believe as far as the contract went, he told her she couldn’t discuss it with her best friend & if she had any questions to Google them. Because Google is 100% accurate.

Firstly, SSC IS NOT THE ONLY MANTRA IN BDSM. Can we /PLEASE/ stop forgetting that RACK exists as well and is just as valid?

Secondly, BDSM IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR ABUSE.

Period.

Ever.

What is considered an abusive relationship and what are considered abusive behaviors in Vanilla (non BDSM) terms, standards, and relationships IS STILL CONSIDERED AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP IN D/S TERMS, and both can be just as damaging.

LINK DUMP TIME BITCHES.

Trigger Warnings for abuse, assault, rape, etc.

Now. Let’s get on to the bullshit:

"But ffs, 50 Shades is an ADULT NOVEL. It is about a BDSM couple. Which - newsflash - do exist. It is a completely consensual form of dominate/submissive sex play. The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim. I don’t recall Anastasia, or whatever she’s called, protesting to Christian’s form of sex. If I remember correctly, she quite enjoyed it! So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction, actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction."

1. It being an adult erotica novel makes absolutely NO fucking difference. In fact, as an adult, the author should have known better and should have known to do her fucking research- which she did not.

In fact, there’s a FAR better example of Fictional Adult BDSM literature out there called Sunstone. Here’s the funny part though: Both SS and FFoG were both written by people uninvolved in and heavily removed from the BDSM community (which we call “Vanillas”). Except the author of Sunstone managed to do enough research to get it RIGHT and produce an amazing, well thought out, subculture accurate graphic novel…. And the author of FSoG managed to produce a steaming, inaccurate, completely abusive pile of shit.

Even better? The author of of SS even manages to accurately talk about and illustrate important topics in BDSM relationships like abuse, subdrop, and similar problems, WITHOUT CONDONING THEM, AND WHILE POINTING OUT HOW HARMFUL THEY CAN BE. FSoG on the other hand DOES NOT DO THIS AND INSTEAD ENCOURAGES AND ROMANTICIZES THEM.

So don’t give me that “oh it’s an adult fictional BDSM erotic novel!!!” tripe when there are actually perfect examples of how to do “Adult Fictional BDSM Erotica” CORRECTLY AND IN A MANNER THAT DOES NOT ROMANTICIZE OR EXCUSE ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS AND RELATIONSHIPS.

2.The whole concept of domestic violence and abuse is that one side exerts control over an unwilling victim”.

That is an inaccurate representation of Domestic violence and abuse. Abuse may also sometimes involve manipulation, coercion, refusing resources, controlling behaviors, random and unpredictable (sometimes violent) mood swings, etc.

Physical abuse IS NOT THE ONLY FORM OF ABUSE THAT ONE MAY EXPERIENCE OR ENCOUNTER. Psychological Abuse, Emotional Abuse, and Verbal Abuse ALSO EXIST AND ARE JUST AS DAMAGING. 

Furthermore? Not all victims are aware, at the time, that they are being abused- I wasn’t in the first 3 abusive relationships I found myself in until I learned how to recognize the signs.

3.So before you condemn a work of romanticized fiction

THAT IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING PROBLEM. THIS IS FICTIONAL ABUSE. IT IS ROMANTICIZED FICTIONAL ABUSE THAT ANYONE EVEN REMOTELY INVOLVED IN THE BDSM COMMUNITY KNOWS IS FUCKING ABUSE.

4.actually consider it’s audience and remember that they are mature and capable enough to know the difference between reality and fiction.

To those who are uneducated about BDSM IT IS DANGEROUS MATERIAL BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY ROMANTICIZES THIS ABUSE AND PASSES IT OFF AS ACCEPTABLE “BECAUSE IT’S BDSM”, IT ALSO REINFORCES PRE-EXISTING NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT THE FUCKING COMMUNITY AND LIFESTYLE.

Someone being a fucking ADULT doesn’t make a goddamned lick of difference when they are uneducated about a subject and a book romanticizes it into being the norm and/or acceptable.

For all my baes who need to get their facts straight. Thank you for the knowledge, friends.

lord-kitschener:

If your image of women’s *~empowerment~* consists of “look hot enough to intimidate people and/or turn them on enough that they’re willing to do stuff for you,” then nice work, you’ve made empowerment into a Hot Girls Only Club, and women who aren’t conventionally attractive can all just accept their lives as unempowered serfs with insufficiently winged eyeliner

aka Tumblr’s sparkly misandry .gif ****Gurl Powa*****

siddharthasmama:

2damnfeisty:

thoughtsofablackgirl:

Victims of sexual assault expect privacy. But 16-year-old Jada was violated all over again once explicit images from her rape surfaced on Twitter. So Jada decided to take her story public.

“There’s no point in hiding,” the Houston teen tells KHOU. “Everybody has already seen my face and my body, but that’s not what I am and who I am.”

I’m sharing this because certain people on twitter  NEEDS TO BE STOP! Specially the ignorant side of black twitter! Every time something bad happen to a young black women or black girl twitter is quickly to explode it into something bigger! And Jada story is one of them! She’s a 16 yearls high school student she could be your sister,cousin, neighbor, or classmate! This tragic thing happened to her and these ignorant people on twitter looking for followers exploit this to point where the disgusting hashtag was created #jadapose. People tweeting pictures of themselves in the pose in which Jada was found! What I find even worse about this its that a lot of the people doing these poses are young black men and women. Something like this happen to someone who could possibly be your sister and instead of asking for justice you rather create a new meme? And some of them even argue “oh how do you know she got rape?” Does it matter? a picture of an underage girl laying on the floor looking like she’s passed out is not something be laughed at EVER! Like ”A rape victim’s trauma is not grounds for a new internet meme. Pls do not partake in such ignorance. Report pictures.”

I’m happy and proud of Jada for speaking and not letting this disgusting thing becoming any bigger

Which brings me to what I’m trying to ask or say here when will sexual assault towards black girls and young black women will be taking serious by young black people?

i truly don’t understand what kind of world we live in.

This is absolutely horrific and abhorrent. Look at how few notes this has. Now watch as the so-called feminists and defenders of women on this site stay silent. The black woman’s body has no value to this society except for how it can be exploited and dehumanized. This is straight up misogynoir. This is an egregious act. This shows how sick our culture is. Rape culture is so pervasive and normalized that many will see nothing wrong with this new meme, much like as was the case with ‘Trayvoning’ (though that was white and non-Black POC racialized violence). This is also why I stay off of twitter.

sextoyconfessions:

geekygothgirl:

nikaalexandra:

glider4:

nooneneedsfeminism:

nikaalexandra:

apparently it’s nineteen fucking twenty

what a stupid fucking comic 

Wow! Whoever made this is deluded

this just in: the anti-feminists still refuse to acknowledge misogyny exists, as it never has happened to them in their lives. also not so sure the sun is really there, or is just another conspiracy created to confuse the people. more at eleven.

Literally talk to any woman in tech, hardware, auto repair, etc. and I can guarantee you’ll hear a story like this. But ignorant shit from a blog called nooneneedsfeminism, whoda thunk? What an anus. 

I used to do sales for a lawn service company. I can assure you that this always happens. I even had a wife yell at her husband because I clearly knew what the fuck I was talking about and, he was just being a sexist asshole. I actually had a man say to me once, “How would you know anything about lawn care, little lady”. I responded, “I was trained by two of the top sales guys in our region, I have over a decade of experience in sales/customer service, and I’m almost 30 years old so please don’t refer to me as “little lady”…. He ended up buying all the services we offered. 

I was told numerous times that women don’t last long in those types of industries. But, it really has nothing to do with the women.

One of my favorites was in the military, I’m driving a semi with a flatbed trailer through the gate (twisty turns), and the gate guard is like “You know how to drive this thing? You’re too pretty for that.”

No, motherfucker, the truck just pulled up by itself.

Something I deal with more regularly now as a programmer is misogynist old school male programmers who basically just ignore what you say and either parrot it back like it’s their idea or give all kinds of praise to another male programmer when they say it.

Small examples. I’m too fucking tired to go on a long rant about this.

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